time and time again... i ended up out and alone... never mind... i'd rather shut my eyes and ears from this earth and let my peace be in vain

i hated those questions but i still had to answer for myself... those questions pinpointed at me... i wonder why i had to take those rounds on the train from city hall to pasir ris then to bedok... everytime the train reaches bedok i just feel like dashing out of the train... but why was my inertia so high that i still stayed back in the train again... taking those rounds is a torture now that i learnt... taking myself through rounds of loneliness... not just once ... always... the rest are probably like just begging me to take the rounds cause they dont wanna be the last few on the train... then that questions me... are my friends loving me for who i am?... or for what i can do for them?

i wanna run away and never say goodbye and never wonder why... it's confusing what is real and not... so i dont wanna think just any further... i dont wanna think what people are having of me... com'mon... talk not to my hand... talk not to my leg... just talk into my face... i wanna hear from the breath of the accuser... i dont want to just hear the remains of those who heard from others who heard from others who heard from others... i wanna know what's wrong with myself... i wanna know how i can improve... if i can ask around for feedback for my sound and continually seek to improve myself... i would like to do so in myself also... so please... stop leaving me out... even if it's me you all are talking or laughing gossiping about... let me join in... let me be part of you all

each passing lonely day is like playing drums... initially your hand is not used to the rubbing of the drumsticks on your hand... in a day or two's time, you have a lot of blisters around your fingers [symptoms and emotions of being left out]... at first you had to put plasters to cover them up so no one sees them [feels antisocial]... changing them whenever it got dirty so it looks aesthetically camouflaged and natural... when you remove your plasters the hands are used to the rubbing and got numb to the blisters [ignorant to the environment]... then those blisters fade away and leave behind rough marks... rough marks that cannot really be seen by people... but only people who are close enough can touch and feel the rough texture beneath the skin

as the song goes... take take take it all... im tired of having to save a face for myself everyday



-jack'al