1. if being chased through town, you can usually take cover in a passing St. Patrick's Day parade - at any time of the year

2. all beds have special L-shaped top sheets that reach up to armpit level on a woman but only waist level on the man lying beside her

3. all grocery shopping bags contain at least one stick of French bread

4. Once applied, lipstick will never rub off - even while scuba diving

5. the ventilation system of any building is a perfect hiding place. no one will ever think of looking for you in there and you can travel to any other part of the building without difficulty

6. should you wish to pass yourself off as a german officer, it will not be necessary to speak the language. a german accent will do.

7. the Eiffel Tower can be seen from any window of any building in Paris

8. a man will show no pain while taking the most ferocious beating but will wince when a woman tries to clean his wounds

9. when paying for a taxi, never look at your wallet as you take out a note - just grab one at random and it will always be the exact fare

10.if you lose a hand, it will cause the stump of your arm to grow by 15cm

11. mothers routinely cook eggs, bacon and waffles for their family everymorning, even though the husband and children never have time to eat them

12. cars and trucks that crash will almost always burst into flames

13. a single match will be sufficient to light up a room the size of a football stadium

14. medieval peasants had perfect teeth

15. all single women have a cat

16. any person waking frm a nightmare will sit bolt upright and pant

17. one man shooting at 20 men has a better chance of killing them all than 20 men firing at one

18. creepy music coming from a graveyard should always be closely investigated

19. most people keep a scrapbook of newspaper cuttings - especially if any of their family or friends has died in a strange boating accident

20. it does not matter if you are heavily outnumbered in a fight involving martial arts - your enemies will wait patiently to attack you one by one by dancing around in a threatening manner until you have knocked out their predecessor

21. during a very emotional confrontation, instead of facing theperson you are speaking to, it is customary to stand behind them and talk to their back

22. when you turn out the light to go to bed, everything in your room will still be clearly visible, just slightly bluish

23. dogs always know who's bad and will naturally bark at them

24. when they are alone, all foreigners prefer to speak english to each other

25. rather than wasting bullets, megalomaniacs prefer to kill their arch-enemies using complicated machinery involving fuses, pulley systems, deadly gases, lasers, and man eating sharks that will allow their captives at least 20 minutes to escape

26. having a job of any kind will make all fathers forget their son's eighth birthday

27. many musical instruments - especially wind instruments and accordions - can be played without moving the fingers

28. all bombs are fitted with electronic timing devices with large red readouts so you know exactly when they're going to go off

29. it is always possible to park directly outside the building you are visiting

30. a detective can only solve a case once he has been suspended frm duty

31. if you decide to start dancing in the street, everyone you bump into will know all the steps


URL: http://jokes.comedycentral.com/random_joke.aspx?joke_id=10257


-jack'al